this weekend i went home. i was really nervous to go as i haven't seen anyone in my family for about nine months now. it was a very hard day. i felt very much on the outskirts of things and it was really stressful. everything spun. a lot. i ended up taking a walk with my cousin and we went to my old kindergarten.
there are so many fun memories from that kindy. and after all these years it almost hasn't changed at all. i can still see myself tipping bubble-mix in my eyes and singing 'achy breaky heart' with actions. now as a twenty-one year old nutcase i broke down at that kindy. the stress of all my family and all the overwhelming things of the day fell out of me like i was four years old again.
i am not really ok. this is something that i know. it is a ridiculously silly time for me to be going to sydney to be doing anything where i have to plan. to be doing anything where i am not just chilled. i am freaking out. i have been for awhile. maybe i should take a break. but when. sydney was supposed to be the break but now its this huge daunting thing that is just making me even more scared. fuck.
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