i have this amazing friend, the piano man. i haven't known him for very long but also feel that i've known him forever. he's such a well-fitting friend. i feel one hundred percent at home around him which is saying a lot because its me. i think it helps that he's gay. i'm not worried about it.
he asked me not long ago what i thought life was like? i sat there for a minute and thought about it. a very vivid image came into my head...strings and sparkles of brightly coloured dots flying through the air being tossed and flipped and left behind by the black rollercoaster on white tracks. this is the perfect depiction of my life. and i'd never thought about it until that second and the funny thing is, for me, that image is comforting. i like knowing that i am sometimes the confetti and sometimes the rollercoaster. i'm sometimes the collective confetti and sometimes just one piece. i am ever changing, sometimes in control and sometimes flying so far out of the realms of control that there's no stopping me. i now know that at some point again i'll always be the rollercoaster and while i'm being thrown around it can either be awesome or it can be terrible, but there's no knowing until you're there. and there's no stopping the rollercoaster. it will go. the confetti will fly and dance, cry and sing. the confetti will let go and live the life they have. with all their heart.
the piano man makes me realise things that i never knew about myself. things that frame me so well and are so lovely. he makes me feel like i'm making progress. on sunday i gave him a ride home and he asked me in to see his house. i ended up listening to him play beautiful music on his piano for hours. my heart filled up and my soul danced. the music sat within me, filling me up. warming me. i do not really know how to articulate what that felt like for me. to feel my soul dance. my soul hasn't danced all by itself in a long time.
for those short hours, my soul danced. i love him for it.
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