sometimes i feel like the only time i am normal is when i take drugs. i don't take serious drugs. its not like i'm a heroin addict but there definitely is a calm in the crazy when i am at the peak of a drug. be it smoking, drinking, taking a trip or calming my fears with a sedative. drugs are everywhere in my life.
( i just wrote a massive long piece of drivel and decided to delete it because it sounded all up in the clouds. fuck me. )
and i think that now maybe. i should go to sleep.
yes. i will. goodnight.
ps. i'm in a right shit state. i'm sad all the time. the times that i'm happy i'm tripping over a buzzy side effect from my anti-depressants - i think i'm losing it. i don't really know when this happened. i thought a did. maybe it just built up slowly until now. i got used to it so didn't really notice that i was losing it until just now. when it might already be gone.
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