well so much has happened in the last few months. the wolf is no longer. i realised after all that that there was really nothing in it. it was the strangest feeling of relief that i've ever felt when he didn't have feelings for me.
it let me feel so much else.
and then out of nowhere a friend. an amazing wonderful man became mine. i can't think of any way to describe him... he is just awesome. he understands me and makes me feel safe. he is my turtle.
i am amazed and surprised at the feelings i have. i don't feel scared, i feel nervous but safe and nothing about him terrifies me. it makes me realise how unimportant the wolf was, how little i truly felt for him...the feelings i have now are letting me explore. i am comfortable and the turtle is the reason.
i can see now that when you love someone, when you really trust them things just happen. things did just fall into place. i feel so lucky. its like all the barriers to my fears are falling away. and he's not scared of my fears either. even though he knows all of them.
over the new year i went away with some friends. we went camping and had a tarp city...it flooded but we were saved by a nymph. she spirited us away on a trip out of the wilderness. it was amazing.
everyone swam in a pool of glitter in front of my eyes and the world was magickal. my turtle told me he loved me. i felt and still feel good. amazing. whole.
i finally feel whimsical. i am in love.
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