i am happy. 90% of the time. the other 10% i am lonely or frustrated. i am wondering if there is a solution to my problem at all. i am coming up to a different type of anniversary. one year in a relationship. this is big for me. and the relationship is going well, we are even moving overseas together next year.
i feel safe and loved and unsatisfied. the one thing that we cannot get right is the sex. i wish it were easier i wish it was something that could just happen for me but it is so hard. don't get me wrong it feels good, it just doesn't feel amazing.
two nights ago i cried so hard because i just felt so badly that this was the undoing. i worry that this will break us. i want it to be different and i want it to work but how is it supposed to get better if neither of us know what we like, how to get it or anything about what we are doing???
i need help! but where do i get it?
Friday, December 7, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
happy new year.
well so much has happened in the last few months. the wolf is no longer. i realised after all that that there was really nothing in it. it was the strangest feeling of relief that i've ever felt when he didn't have feelings for me.
it let me feel so much else.
and then out of nowhere a friend. an amazing wonderful man became mine. i can't think of any way to describe him... he is just awesome. he understands me and makes me feel safe. he is my turtle.
i am amazed and surprised at the feelings i have. i don't feel scared, i feel nervous but safe and nothing about him terrifies me. it makes me realise how unimportant the wolf was, how little i truly felt for him...the feelings i have now are letting me explore. i am comfortable and the turtle is the reason.
i can see now that when you love someone, when you really trust them things just happen. things did just fall into place. i feel so lucky. its like all the barriers to my fears are falling away. and he's not scared of my fears either. even though he knows all of them.
over the new year i went away with some friends. we went camping and had a tarp city...it flooded but we were saved by a nymph. she spirited us away on a trip out of the wilderness. it was amazing.
everyone swam in a pool of glitter in front of my eyes and the world was magickal. my turtle told me he loved me. i felt and still feel good. amazing. whole.
i finally feel whimsical. i am in love.
it let me feel so much else.
and then out of nowhere a friend. an amazing wonderful man became mine. i can't think of any way to describe him... he is just awesome. he understands me and makes me feel safe. he is my turtle.
i am amazed and surprised at the feelings i have. i don't feel scared, i feel nervous but safe and nothing about him terrifies me. it makes me realise how unimportant the wolf was, how little i truly felt for him...the feelings i have now are letting me explore. i am comfortable and the turtle is the reason.
i can see now that when you love someone, when you really trust them things just happen. things did just fall into place. i feel so lucky. its like all the barriers to my fears are falling away. and he's not scared of my fears either. even though he knows all of them.
over the new year i went away with some friends. we went camping and had a tarp city...it flooded but we were saved by a nymph. she spirited us away on a trip out of the wilderness. it was amazing.
everyone swam in a pool of glitter in front of my eyes and the world was magickal. my turtle told me he loved me. i felt and still feel good. amazing. whole.
i finally feel whimsical. i am in love.
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